you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
