Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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