I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
