I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
