You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
