So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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