is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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