I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
