i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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