i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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