Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
