you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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