a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
