...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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