We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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