I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
