Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
