Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Of course I have a pirate flag
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
