I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
