I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is glitter all over my balls
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