Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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