Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
