theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
