Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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