I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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