Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
