He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
