her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Swine flu. Run for my life!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
