I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
