Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
