a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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