Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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