Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
