apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
