Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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