the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm really busy with my period
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