I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
