sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
