I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
