I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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