It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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