I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
