the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
