you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
