shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
