He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
