Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
