sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We smell like vodka and hangover
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