drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
