You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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