There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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