The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
