Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
