So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
