I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
